I went to see Sally Timms at Spaceland. Wow! It was amazing! Johnny Dowd was there, Brian and Justin too! It was such a great show!
It was the best thing I've seen in a long time. It may seem biased 'cause Sally is my pal, but I haven't seen her in so long and the stuff she's doing on this tour is heartbreaking and beautiful. I sure am proud of her. I love her new album. She still manages to be the funniest person alive too. Soooooo dirty.
Two nights at Neumo's. Wow! That was hectic, but lots of hot, polite men (and a couple ladies) work there, I didn't want to leave!
The first night was an early show so we went to the comet to see the magnificent Leather Uppers (featuring rare Ukrainian rock hero, Greg Tymoshenko). Two words: wizard's castle. Yee-ess. When they played my old favorite "Sugar Sandwich", I almost cried. And surprise! The Evaporators were also playing. Ripple rock! Narduar rode his keyboard like a racehorse. And the best surprise of all, a rare sighting of the greatest band on earth, Tacoma's own........Girl Trouble! They were a sight for sore eyes. I forced them to come to the show the next night. We drank beer and giggled like old times. There were so many good friends at the show I didn't get to talk to them all. That always makes me feel bad. I miss them. I have too many jobs to do. We did get Dexter to come up and sing "Lucky Eye" with us. Wow! That was one of the all-time great moments of my life. I'm not worthy. I had to drive to Bellingham right after the show to pick up the Beaver from the diesel hospital. Thank God for hot chocolate! The next day we drove through some savage weather and made it to Portland just in time to walk on stage and play a fun show. The Aladdin is such a beautiful theater. I found a cape in the lost and found box. I homesteaded it. The only thing missing was the trip to Powell's Books. Oh well, maybe next time. Thank you, nonetheless, Portland. It's a beautiful cape. I can fit all the Sadies inside it. Many a ladies fantasy.
The Portland show was dedicated to our good friend "Buddy" the Miller Block Studio kitty who passed away yesterday. I'll always think of him running up the carpeted door like a maniac. He sure did love string. Don't worry, they have string made out of magical tuna in kitty heaven. Rest in peace buddy! I'm gonna miss you.
Sting is on the radio. Listening to it is akin to drinking men's cologne. I feel sick. I will enjoy his music tantric-style by purposely depriving myself of it. I will reach a whole new plain of avoidance. Ohhhh, Sweet Home Alabama! Now were talking!
Holy Crap. What a day, we're not even at the show yet, it's only eight o'clock (we're horribly late) and all tour catastrophes have befallen us.
The day started with the van breaking down. Then, the border. It did not matter that we had all our paperwork in order and that we are nice and in our thirties and we're not smuggling heroin and terrorists across the border, the woman was a stone cold bitch. She decided that our T-shirts should be processed at another border crossing. She seemed to take extra delight in knowing that she was making us miss the ferry that would have made us not quite so late from the van incident earlier. When we got to the other crossing, where the officers were thankfully very kind (as the Canadians pretty much always are) we had to wait forever. When inside we found out that previous bitch had called ahead to make sure we didn't "try anything". That's funny considering that the entire value of our declared goods (which we were very willing to pay in the first place) was a paltry $38.16 Canadian. Big time contraband people. How do such stupid people get important security jobs? I need some hot chocolate. ('cause i'm such a hard-ass pirate smuggler.)
Conclusion: Show good. Bed soft.
Vancouver- Thanksgiving spent at Bo Kong eating Buddist fake meat. De-lish! Dexter Romweber is now on board. I feel a bit in awe.
Headed to Iowa City, Iowa on 35 E.
Bizarre conversation I overheard from the back seat;
Tom; "This road has the screamies"!
Jon; "It has pain sensors in it."
It's like "Duplex Planet" in here!!
Let's talk about food! On tour we become fixated on it. When I say "we" I mean Tom, Jon and myself, not the Queen of England.
Breakfast at Waffle House
Ok, you're not on tour until you've eaten at Waffle House, any band will tell you that. And I don't care what anyone says about the food, I love it. It was Maybelle Carter's favorite restaurant!!!! How many times have you been to some hipster-yuppie "breakfast" nook, ordered a yummy, nourishing waffle, which is on the menu, leaping out from the page, plain as day, and the waitress looks at you like you have some Medieval-style black plague. She (or he) says it's too late, then goes to the kitchen to discuss it with the cook. They have the emergency "What do I do, they've ordered the waffle?!?" Meeting, and then the waiter/waitress returns with one of two excuses; 1) Out of batter, or 2) It's past our waffle-serving time. It's heartbreaking.
I promise you will never have this experience at Waffle House! Waffles abound!!! The other perk of the W.H. Is the nice waitresses. In the hundred-million times I've been, I've never had a mean or inattentive server, in fact, quite the opposite. They've always been warm and chatty with great senses of humor. I also love being called "hon". It makes me feel like they really do love me, and if they don't, I don't wanna know. They even throw mean swearing drunks out with style (I'm not talking about us). "You just go on home, Hon, I'm not gonna listen to your dirty mouth one more minute!" I love those ladies!
Food to be avoided on tour;
1) McDonalds- I don't think I need to tell you why, it's painfully obvious.
2) Cracker Barrel- even the "vegetables" are made of bleached flour and cornstarch. Completely flavorless. Every single one looks exactly the same and they sell tons of depressing fake "antiques". Also, they won't let you work there if you are gay. Fuck you, Cracker Barrel!!! I also saw a sign in the kitchen entry way that said "brown tongs are for bread, red tongs are for chicken." Thats just too easy of a mistake to make Ladies and Gentlemen, maybe they won't let you work there if you're color blind either. The bread and the chicken taste the same anyway, you won't know which one you've eaten until the crippling diarrhea sets in.
3) Arby's- Jesus-God-Almighty!!! On my final visit to Arby's a new employee did me the favor of making me a beef n' cheddar with the "meat" sliced off in one big, ham-style chunk. The "beef" was so strong and "fresh", that when I opened the wrapper, it flung the bun right off!!! Before me was a page right out my seventh grade biology text book. It's as though I was looking through a microscope at a giant paramecium (sp?). It was harsh particle- meat made of space animals. It had a greenish-brown sheen and was smeared with petrolium cheese. Peckers and beaks and hooves I tell you!!!
4) Any restaurant with the word "family" or "corral" or "Shoneys" in the title. Usually found in the vast foodless triangle that exists between Calgary, Toronto and Chicago (with the exception of Shoney's), but can be found on any interstate. They can barely maintain iceberg lettuce, so I fail to see the appeal of ordering something as time-sensitive as meatloaf. That's just me I guess.
Speaking of the heartland, how can there be no fresh veggies in the restaurant when there is supposedly food growing all around me?
Food recommendations "on tour"( we don't want to just harp on the negative....)
Starring: Tom and Jon!!!!!
First category: BBQ!
Jon - Payne's BBQ, Memphis, TN.
He claims that Jesus himself pulls the pork. No, that's not a metaphor.
Tom - The Salt Lick, Buda, TX (Just south of Austin). Family-style, slow-cooked and screened-in." It's creepy-good."
Second Category: Fried Chicken
Jon - Hollyhock Hill House, Indianapolis, IN.
Jon's driving right now, so I'm gonna have to speak for him. I happen to agree with him anyway, so it will be a piece of cake. This chicken is ridiculous. You just want to start crying at the notion that somebody loves you enough to make you this chicken. It's just that simple. Juicy, flavorful, and not greasy. The apple-butter and pickled beets are top-notch. The iced tea you ask? Perfect. Hollyhock is also the home of Greg, our favorite waiter of all time. Please say hello to him for us if you stop in. Heads up though, you'll have to call to make reservations 'cause it's always packed. You'll find out why in a hurry.
Tom - Log Inn, Warrenton, IN.
He can't seem to find the words to describe why it's so good, perhaps because he's had a few cocktails, but he swears on the bible that you won't be disappointed.
Third Category: Hotdogs
They take this one very seriously. They spent the entire summer 2001 tour inventing hotdog recipes. Though they were disgusting, they were very funny. I personally find hotdogs revolting, so maybe I'm wrong, maybe you will find them mouth-watering. I did write them all down someplace, I'll print them later.
Jon - the vendor outside the Horseshoe Tavern in Toronto, Ontario, Canada
- cooked over an actual fire grill with every condiment known to man.
Tom - Five Way Chilli, Briar and Broadway, Chicago , Il.
Get 2 chilli dogs, Cincinnati-style with jalapenos on the side, adjust for hotness.
Fourth Category: Pizza
Jon and I both agree the best pizza is at Arturo's coal-oven pizza in NYC. A word to travelers, don't order pizza in Canada (I'm not saying good pizza doesn't exist in Canada, I'm just saying that if it does, I haven't found it yet) or at yuppie gourmet pizza places. Smoked salmon and corn don't belong on pizza.
Tom - Bobe's Pizza , N. 6Th St. Vincennes, IN. The "Farouk" is the shit. All hand-made using ancient family recipes and not-so-ancient ingredients.
To be continued...
Starring: The Sadies, The Dexter Romweber Duo, Matt Marcus (our NASA sound engineer) and Miss Kathleen, Master of Merchandise. Stay tuned to behold the glory of our special guests...
Nov. 22nd.2004
Driving to Canada on the I-5, lots of things that light up...
Well, what do you know! We're back on tour. We've got our radar detector, satellite radio and other stuff that glows on the dashboard. We look like tornado hunters. Nerds. It seems like forever even though it was only two months ago since our last outing. I've been in the studio so long I have to make an effort to focus in daylight. This is our first official tour for "The Tigers Have Spoken." Ohhhh, I can't wait to see the Sadies! Our first show is in Victoria, so the van is weighted down with wine and presents for Miss Carolyn. Speaking of presents, the truck stops of America are becoming more bizarre than I thought possible. They are like Home Shopping Network warehouses. Right in the door, you are assaulted with giant freaky dolls and sculptures. There was a three-foot fairy who actually flapped her wings while riding a unicorn with a blinking light-up fiber optic horn. Fucked up! What happened to those light-up dice? I loved those. (I can't find mine). At least they still have CBs. Man, Burt Reynolds was so hot in "Smokey and the Bandit". They also have those cool tiny TVs you can put in your car. Apparently the guys (starring Paul Rigby and Matt Marcus) were waiting by the van for me for a very long time before they realized that I was mesmerized by "Shrek II". My mouth was open and I couldn't move. Paul gave me an "intervention." Startled back to reality, and to the bathroom. Once on the toilet I looked up to find a tiny flier barely taped to the stall door that read "Do you have a lawsuit pending?" How did they find me here!? That's so funny, they're trying to be your buddy while you are on the toilet. "It's ok, don't be ashamed, here's a quiet, private place where we can talk. Now tell us who is gonna sue you, here, have a paper toilet seat cover." They are offering a cash advance, ohh, and I don't have to pay if I lose. I just have to talk to people in the bathroom. That's the rub. I never said the road was exciting, so don't act like I did. When you dive to Canada through Washington the first thing you notice at the border are the swarms of bald eagles. They're like rats. It's kind of eerie. They won't cross the border either. They are mad at us. I don't blame them.