TOUR DIARY #21: GLASCOW & IRELAND, 11/06
GLASGOW
It's so nice to be back in friendly Glasgow! It's a beautiful day and we are playing in another giant, ancient church. I went to the cafe next door for a bowl of soup and I saw a scrawny meth-head b-boy in a red track suit stuff the "Scottish Charities" donation can right down his pants while looking me straight in the eye. Such balls! I told the staff and they didn't give two shits because it wasn't their tip jar. FUCK THE CHILDREN! Oh well. I tried to be a good citizen.
Our dressing room looked like a Masonic rites lodge. There were strange bronze artifacts and pictures of naked ladies. THERE WERE SWORDS! There were overstuffed red leather couches and elk heads. There was a huge bar of 200 year old scotch that we were NOT allowed to touch due to some incident starring Sean Lennon. The scotch had it's own real-live human guard! Maybe Sean Lennon stole the holy grail from under the floor. Who knows, I hate scotch anyway. It's basically "Mold Liquor." Foxy, jolly people were everywhere and we had a nice time. Thank you Glasgow!!
IRELAND
Belfast was lovely and the people were kind. I thought I was gearing up for the greatest time on earth in Ireland, then I got the flu really bad. I spent our entire time in Dublin and Galway wrapped in a comforter freezing my ass off and wishing for a quick death. My flu really gained momentum throughout our final days in Ireland. I THINK the shows were good only based on how nice the folks were. The rest is fever-y and blurry. I do remember watching about an hour of "Sharkey's Machine" starring, my boyfriend, Burt Reynolds. He was a down and out cop, just how I like him. I'm pretty hot for Burt. Could you tell? Sadly, I have come to the end of the tour. Thanks a'plenty to our stellar Euro crew and our kind patrons. On the trillion hour flight home there was a kid screaming it's head off like a little asshole. The 75 year old lady with the tiny dog behind me finally yelled "SHUT UP!" It did. Everyone on the plane bought her a gin and tonic and voted her the new president of the United States of America.